Viva La Vida

He had decided to go to the park on a whim – had just suddenly wanted to be at the park so badly that he'd only gathered the time necessary to actually think about that action once he was already at the park, swinging gently, forward and back, on a creaky swing.
He was glad it was night – nobody would see him sitting on the swing, and those that did wouldn't care enough to even bother making fun of him. People in this city had a strange, but wonderful tendency of acting more human at night. Assholes didn't like the nighttime; they always sequestered themselves away in the numerous nightclubs dotting the Downtown cityscape.

'Why the park?' He wondered vaguely. 'Of all the places I could have gone, why did I pick the park?' He wasn't complaining – this late at night, the park was entirely empty; devoid of the noise and feeling that society bled into it. The park was empty, and it felt comforting when it was such. But when it was solitude and comfort he wanted, he'd go to the Hill, not here. He rarely ever went to the park.

"Is this your doing, MEAT?" He asked the chilly, quiet, nighttime air. He didn't get a response. He didn't expect to; MEAT hadn't said a word for days. Nearly a week had gone by without the figment saying anything, and though at first Johnny had been suspecting something, but glad to not hear from the voice, he couldn't help but become distinctly... overwhelmed... at the sudden silence in his own head.
"I suppose this is a joke, MEAT. You think it's funny. I'm sorry to tell you, but I'm actually very pleased you've-" And it was there he paused. Pleased. He was pleased, and a little bit happy that the voice was gone. And getting Johnny to experience emotion was the damn things very goal.
"Fuck you!" He stood up, yelling angrily into the night. "Fuck you and your feelings!" He was angry now – MEAT had gone, vanished, and the damn voice was still winning. Oh, look – another emotion.
Johnny growled, sitting down cross-legged on the cold dewy, ground and taking in slow, deep breaths, his hands held together and placed in the center of his lap. To be specific, he was in the lotus position – he'd found meditation a good way of clearing his mind of whatever torrent of emotions pinned him down when he got excited. He wasn't sure if 'calm' was an emotion, but if it was, Johnny was willing to let himself experience at least that one.

"You know, people around here do sleep." A voice said. But this one wasn't in his head – this one was female, and coming from a figure using the bottom of the plastic slide a few feet away as a seat. "As crazy as it sounds." She added, sounding sarcastic.

"Who are you?" Johnny carefully asked the new female figure intruding on his solitude.

"You know me very well; though, it doesn't surprise me that you don't recognize me." She chuckled, and leaned back onto the slide's curved plastic before speaking again. "I was the only person who saw your Wall Demon and is still alive." Johnny stared at the woman curiously. He knew that he knew this woman – the voice was so familiar. It wasn't Devi, that he was absolutely sure of. Perhaps it was one of his victims? But, didn't all his victims die?

"Only two people I've met have ever survived me... little Squee, and... and Devi." He shook his head, gazing over at her with an apologetic look on his face. "I'm sorry – I don't remember you, miss." He heard the girl sigh, but there was a hint of amusement in the sigh that told Johnny she wasn't angry with him.

"Well, I wouldn't expect a guy who got shot, and lived, to remember one of his last kidnappings." Johnny's eyes narrowed as he stared at her. One of his last?  But this time, the girl gave him no time to think up a response, standing up and walking over to him. As she entered his area of sight, he began to recognize her; dark jeans, a black shirt, an ankh hanging from her neck and glasses perched on her nose. Oh... It was this girl, the one with the shitty boyfriend, the girl who'd wanted to know where he got his boots from. Not that he could possibly remember at this point.

"... T..." He couldn't recall her name. Something with a T? "T... Tess...?" He looked at her as though for approval. "Tess, right?" The girl nodded, smiling calmly for some reason.

"Yup." Johnny blinked, and his eyes grew wide as he remember what she'd said earlier.

"You saw my Wall Monster? Saw it and survived? What did it look like?" Tess sat down next to him, her knees curled into her chest.

"Well... it's hard to explain... Lots of tentacles, and a lot of random things sort of... growing off of it." Johnny 'hmm'ed, turning to look at the grass below him. "You're not scared." He pointed out. He heard the girl turn, probably looking at him.

"No, I'm not." A pointed response to a pointed observation. Fair enough.

"Why not?"

"I've had time enough to consider things." She muttered carefully "I haven't been able to think of anything else apart from what you've said to me while I was trapped in your house, you know." Johnny sat up, looking at her. Tess was staring at the sky, up at the stars gazing down at them from the cloudless expanse above. "You're smart, and to a point, you were right." Johnny raised an eyebrow, confused. "You said you hate people – people are stupid, and so few of us are aware of the viral stupidity looming over most of us, right?"

"Yes..." Johnny muttered slowly.

"Well, another thing you said, right as you were dying with that hole in you head, was; 'it's so easy to say you hate someone; so easy to hate'." Johnny blinked, only vaguely recalling having a conversation with someone back then. He mostly remembered potatoes and jellybeans, and that was about it. "I've had enough time to myself to realize that humanity is a stupid species, and like you said, it's so easy to hate them for it... but I can't. It's too easy to hate someone for being what they are." She turned to him. "It's too easy to hate a person for being something I don't think acceptable."

"Is that why you aren't scared of me...?" He asked. Tess smiled, chuckling.

"I guess so, yeah. You are what you are, and I can't change that, even if I wanted to." At this, Johnny blinked, his eyes widening.

"You... you don't want to change me?" The girl shook her head, smiling.

"Why would I? You're violent and moody, sure, but you're intelligent, and despite what you may think, as I was escaping your basement I saw lots of evidence supporting the fact that you're creative. Maybe in the most morbid way possible, but you are." She breathed out slowly, enjoying the feeling of the nighttime breeze. "You're one of the most interesting people I've ever had the pleasure of meeting." Tess turned, looking at him with that content smile still on her face. "You might not enjoy this fact, but I like you." Johnny fell silent, unable to come up with a response. Tess liked him? She enjoyed him, and even accepted him? Him, a murderer with more blood on his hands than the most dedicated genocidal sociopath?

"But... why?" He managed to get out, shocked into near silence. Tess rolled her eyes.

"I've just told you this, Johnny. You're intelligent, creative, and, well... the most interesting person I know." Johnny felt his cheeks warm up, and knew he was smiling. Though the little bit of meditation he'd gotten in had calmed him down, he felt... happy, now. He liked this.
A memory flashed across his mind, and Johnny stood abruptly, happiness lingering, but the maniac no longer wanted it. He didn't want any of this – Tess liked him, and he enjoyed her company. He enjoyed it like he had enjoyed... Hers. He had to leave, to shut Tess out before Devi happened all over again. "Johnny, wait...!" She didn't understand, she didn't... He had to leave. "What's wrong? It's okay, we're alone out here." Wait... Tess was right... He was alone; the Wall Monster had been killed after he'd shot himself, and the Doughboys had followed their master. Nothing was left to convince him into a murderous state. But... he wanted to be cold, right?

"I... I hate this..." Tess took in a breath, but he could sense no fear from her.

"Hate what?" She asked, following suit and standing up. Johnny shivered, but not from cold.

"Emotions... Emotions make me a danger to anybody I like..." Tess sighed. She sounded frustrated.

"Emotions are also what allow you to like people in the first place."

"I want to become cold. I want to rid myself of any and all emotion, so everyone I like will be safe." Again, Tess sighed, taking a step closer to him.

"But if you do that, what happens if somebody else tries to hurt the people you like? Someone other than you? You won't care, and they'll get hurt, or die. And you won't care." Johnny shut his eyes tightly, trying to block out the truth of her words. She was so much like Edgar – so much. He wouldn't have been surprised if she had known him. "With emotions or without, they'll be in danger anyway." He groaned, letting his muscles relax. She was right. But she wasn't telling him to stop his quest for coldness in the same way MEAT had tried to – she was using Johnny's own logic, explaining it in such an objective way that no matter which way he looked at it, it was bad.

"What... what do I do?" He wanted answers so badly...  had been following commands for so long he found it hard to command himself now. Tess moved closer, placing a hand on his shoulder tentatively. He let it be.

"You take life one step at a time. Making mistakes is a part of being human – stupid or intelligent." He sniffed, getting angry when he felt tears running down his face. He thought that particular emotion had been squashed flat once he'd somehow beaten his depression.

"Fuck, I hate this..." He repeated, trying to rub the tears away. Tess moved closer, pulling him into a hug that he knew he wanted too badly to bother pushing her away.

"I'll help you." She stated simply. And Johnny found himself distinctly reassured by that.